I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
