he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Sext me about skeletons
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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