I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
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Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
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my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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