I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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