put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
