i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
