I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I seem to have left my pride at pride
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
