I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
