You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
