Pregnant stripper...not hot.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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