So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
