the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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