How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
