just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
