my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Randomize
