you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
