My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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