either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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