I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
