their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
