OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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