well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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