It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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