Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize