I skipped work to stalk him.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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