i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
P.S. I can't hear my feet
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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