His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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