Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
