Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
