Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
