***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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