i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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