never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
