her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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