i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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