So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
