I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
