I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
