it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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