She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
