My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
