He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
