you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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