Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
