birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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