Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
