would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
