She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
