YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
