I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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