one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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