I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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