I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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