Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
