I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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