Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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