If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
