Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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