I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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