Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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