somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
