Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
