You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
