i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
