Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize