so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He felt like a one man threesome
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize