JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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