all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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