literally had 100 drinks last night.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
