Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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