just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
